The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
