Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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