Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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