Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
