no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Randomize
