we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
My vagina is officially offended.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
