your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
