evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Randomize
