Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
The feeling are messing with the penis
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
