I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
