Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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