when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
