We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
