did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
