i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
