Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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