I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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