So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
