it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Randomize
