When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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