ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
