we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
