There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
