pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
