just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
