you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
