I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
