Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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