lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize