We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I'm at about main and main street
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
