i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Sober January is a disaster.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
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