you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Ambien. No doubt about it.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
