We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
