Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
