If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
