In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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