i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
