I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
