normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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