Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
