Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
