He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
