She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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