the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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