If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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