there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
