i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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