i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
