Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
