I wannas sexs uuuuu
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize