I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
