Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
