Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
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