I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Just puked most of my soul out..
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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