she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
