i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
