I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
