WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
