I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
