Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize