she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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