wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
