someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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