i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
