it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
