Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize