Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
