Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
