i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
