I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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