can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
My cat gives me a boner
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
