if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
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