i think my mom watched the whole time
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
